*Content Warning: discussion of miscarriage and difficult pregnancy/labour*
My favourite band since I was a kid, is Hanson.
They’ve continued to make music all these years, and I’ve continued to enjoy them! I love not just their fun tunes, or their soulful melodies, but the often meaningful lyrics behind them.
For example, their breakthrough hit MMMBop is all about how we don’t know where relationships will go throughout our lives.
Hanson’s latest single, I Was Born, is a beautiful anthem proclaiming that we were born for a purpose.
The song boldly opens with, “I was born to do something/No one’s ever done, No one’s ever done before”. The chorus adds “I was born to go somewhere” and “I was born to be someone”.
The song is peppy, upbeat, and empowering.
It speaks to me as this past couple of years, I’ve struggled a lot with my sense of purpose. In fact, when I first heard this song, my initial reaction was that it wasn’t for me. That it’s message wasn’t meant for me.
Then, I took a step back and realised how very wrong I was.
In fact, my whole life I’ve been told the opposite! My Mom had a difficult pregnancy and was told that I would die in utero. She had weekly ultrasounds to determine when I was gone, however during one, the condition they were worried about had reversed. There was no medical explanation for it, and apparently outside of a procedure (which they didn’t have back then), the baby usually does not live.
Then, despite the many ultrasounds, no one told my Mom she was placenta previa. So, when she went into labour, she hemoraged very badly. The situation ended up being rather bad, but I ended up being born ok, and my Mom was fine too after transfusions and treatment.
So, between the two things, I was often called the little miracle baby and I grew up feeling like God must have made sure I lived for a reason. This gave me a strong feeling of purpose.
As my health has declined, and I’ve lost a lot of my ability to do things, I think I’ve also lost my sense of purpose along the way.
I mean… You can imagine how easy it is to forget that you meant to do amazing things and live a purpose filled life when you can’t work, or indeed, can’t even get out of bed some days.
But that sort of thinking is foolishness.
Even though I’m ill and disabled, my life is full of purpose!
I have my relationship with my husband, my family, and friends. I make cards for people, and bake when I can. I help moderate a Facebook group (Medical Musings with Friends) and run their Twitter account (@Med_Musings), and I have other writing projects I’m involved with. I also write this blog, which I hope helps bring awareness, connects people, and makes others feel less alone in their experiences. I read, I write, I do things that I enjoy, and I do what I can to help others.
These all add to my purpose.
Just because I can’t climb mountains, work full time, or do things that “normal” people can do, doesn’t mean that I don’t have a purpose and that I wasn’t born “to do something”, “go somewhere”, or “be someone”.