Disability · Gastroparesis · General chronic conditions · Uncategorized

Caregiving and Happy Relationships: Not Mutually Exclusive

This past week, my husband and I celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary.

Before we got married, my health was very up and down.

We knew that I had issues with chronic pain, and had discussed how that might affect the future. However, I certainly was not sick like I am now.

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I did have periods of illness where my stomach would flare. I was told I had gallbladder issues, but looking back, it’s clear my stomach was definitely causing problems.

My husband also stood by me through a couple big bouts of pneumonia, and a few injuries.

I knew from how he stood by me, and was so caring throughout all of those things, that my husband would be a wonderful life partner.

After we married, my health started declining within a couple years. I am now quite ill, and my husband now is not simply my life partner, or my romantic buddy, but he’s my caregiver.

“What does it mean for him to be a caregiver?”

My husband helps me out a lot with many little things. He will make me my drinks, or my food, he’ll help me walk when I’m struggling, and he makes sure I am safe.

He also helps me with my medical stuff by taking me to most of my appointments, and help sort out my medications. In fact, the people at my pharmacy know him quite well!

I rely on my husband to drive me around, as I’m no longer able to walk far enough to get to the train or bus stops. I can take a cab, if I’m not going very far, but usually I need my husband to take me places.

Because my fatigue has become such a huge problem, if I’m going anywhere that involves walking more than a few minutes, I need a wheelchair. That means my husband gets the pleasure of pushing me!

These are just some of the ways my husband cares for me. I could probably add on about hundred more.

“He sounds wonderful! But how can you have a good marriage if he has to look after you all the time?”

He is wonderful! I am so grateful for all that he does.

I also think he’s funny, kind, smart, capable, and overall fantastic.

The thing is, even though he is my caregiver, he is also my partner like any other person who has a partner.

We love each other, and that means it’s not a one-way partnership. I am happy to care for him, and do kind things for him as well.

One way I show my love for my hubby is to bake him goodies! When I feel up to it, I enjoy getting into the kitchen and making baked goods for him.

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Wacky Stacky Cookie Cake! I made this for my hubby’s birthday. It has a bottom layer of chocolate chip cookie, then chocolate cake, and vanilla cake, with chocolate frosting in between, and vanilla buttercream on top. Sweet. 😍

Just because ill and disabled also doesn’t mean that I’m less awesome, less loveable, or less worthy of being in a solid relationship.

The same goes for everyone with chronic disease or disability.

It is possible to have a real relationship, even with one of the partners being a caregiver.

To many more years!

My husband may not just be my partner, and also my caregiver, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have a wonderful relationship too.

I’m very happy that I’ve had four, great years with my love, and I’m looking forward to many more.

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4 thoughts on “Caregiving and Happy Relationships: Not Mutually Exclusive

  1. I was healthy when I married my husband. I am still working, walking and moving but when my arthritis or Hashis flares, I can be down and he picks it up.
    He grew up with a disabled mom so he is already used to seeing the caretaker partnership. He is banned from pushing me in a wheelchair. After my c sections, he always managed to push me into walls and doorways. Lol
    Good to hear you ended up with a good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear you hun xx
    It’s our 15th on the 26th April and it’s the same for us, but it hasn’t come without ups and downs like any other reationship really. The problems we have are different to those that regular folks would possibly have because it’s the care side of things that causes the problems, not money or employment..

    Congrats and sending hugs of fluffiness 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you… happy (early) anniversary to you too!

      Absolutely, every couple has ups and downs. It’s a real relationship. The caregiving element makes it different, but no less real or special.

      Hugs back. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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